Love, an intricate and essential aspect of human existence, significantly shapes our relationships, emotional experiences, and even personal growth. The question of whether love can endure the changing tides of life and time has intrigued psychologists and researchers for decades. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love provides a helpful framework, suggesting that love is built on three interwoven elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Within this model, the endurance of love seems to depend on the delicate balance and interaction of these three components as they adapt and evolve over time. By considering Sternberg’s model alongside other psychological insights, this essay seeks to explore if, and how, love can truly survive.
Sternberg (1986) introduced the idea that intimacy, passion, and commitment are the core elements defining different forms of love. Intimacy brings closeness and emotional connectedness, a space where partners share deeply personal thoughts and experiences. Passion, in contrast, often represents the intense attraction and romantic excitement that can spark a relationship into life. Finally, commitment reflects the conscious choice to maintain a relationship and persevere through life’s inevitable challenges. Each element fulfils a unique role, and their dynamic balance is thought to shape love’s longevity and depth.
Sternberg’s model reveals that as relationships mature, these elements often shift. While passion may drive the early excitement of a relationship, intimacy and commitment often deepen as partners grow closer and begin to build a shared future. Thus, love’s survival may rely not on a rigid formula but on the ability of both individuals to nurture and adapt these components in response to changing circumstances. Sternberg suggests that love thrives when couples actively engage in maintaining this balance through genuine communication, mutual support, and a shared vision for their journey together.
Empirical studies underscore the potential resilience of Sternberg’s model. For instance, research by Acker and Davis (1992) found that relationships characterized by high levels of intimacy, passion, and commitment often experience greater satisfaction, hinting that love may indeed be strengthened by a careful balance of these elements. Additionally, Lemieux and Hale (1999) observed that although passion may naturally wane over time, intimacy and commitment can deepen, shifting the experience of love from one driven by excitement to one grounded in companionship and security. Such findings suggest that love, when nurtured with awareness and adaptability, may indeed survive through the transitions of life.
While Sternberg’s theory provides a foundational understanding, love’s endurance may also be influenced by other important factors such as communication styles, attachment patterns, shared values, and emotional resilience. Effective communication, for instance, plays a crucial role in maintaining intimacy and resolving the inevitable conflicts that arise in any long-term relationship. Gottman and Silver (1999) highlight that partners who communicate with empathy and mutual respect are more likely to sustain fulfilling relationships, while those who fall into patterns of criticism, defensiveness, or contempt risk undermining the bond they share. In contrast, those who prioritize active listening, compassion, and emotional regulation may 8ind that their love grows stronger with time.
Attachment theory, developed by Bowlby, also offers insight into how personal histories can in8luence our capacity for enduring love. Individuals with secure attachment styles often 8ind it easier to establish intimacy and trust, building stable relationships that support long-term commitment (Aron & Aron, 1997). Conversely, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may face difficulties in forming close emotional bonds, which can create challenges to sustaining love over time. Understanding and addressing these attachment patterns can be essential for couples hoping to foster a deeper, lasting connection.
Shared goals and values are also important pillars of love’s survival. Research by Klohnen and Bera (1998) suggests that couples who share a common vision and hold similar core values often experience fewer conflicts and a stronger sense of unity. When partners align on life goals or express mutual respect for each other’s aspirations, they are better equipped to face challenges together, reinforcing their commitment. Conflict resolution skills further contribute to love’s longevity. Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg (2010) suggest that when couples approach conflicts constructively; by focusing on solutions rather than blame—they create a positive foundation for relationship satisfaction and longevity.
Emotional resilience plays an equally vital role in whether love can endure. According to Aron and Aron’s (1997) self-expansion theory, love thrives when partners continue to grow together, fostering emotional and intellectual enrichment through shared experiences and mutual support. Emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and regulate one’s own emotions, enables partners to face challenges with resilience and empathy, helping them to navigate the ups and downs inherent in long-term relationships.
In Sternberg’s model, commitment may hold a particularly unique role as a stabilizing force within love. Unlike passion, which may ebb, or intimacy, which may fluctuate, commitment embodies the conscious choice to invest in a relationship, even when faced with difficulties. Rusbult’s Investment Model (1980) supports this, suggesting that commitment is strengthened by the investments of time, energy, and shared memories that partners build together. When individuals view their relationship as a lasting bond and perceive alternatives as less desirable, they are more likely to persevere, even through challenging times.
However, it is essential to acknowledge the complexities that can challenge love’s resilience. External pressures, such as financial concerns or family obligations, may reduce the emotional energy that partners have to invest in each other. Differences in personal growth, emotional perspectives, or life paths can also create distance, affecting intimacy and shared understanding. Yet, Neff and Karney (2009) found that couples who use positive coping mechanisms, such as seeking support or reframing challenges in a constructive light, are often better equipped to maintain intimacy and commitment during periods of stress.
Ultimately, love’s survival appears to be a dynamic process, shaped not by rigid rules but by an ongoing interplay of intimacy, passion, and commitment, coupled with the ability to navigate external pressures and inner growth. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory offers a valuable lens through which we can understand how love’s elements shift and adapt over time. Research supports that while passion may diminish, intimacy and commitment often deepen, enabling love to evolve into a more enduring form. Beyond Sternberg’s framework, factors such as open communication, secure attachment, shared values, and emotional intelligence provide further insights into how couples may nurture love that lasts.
Love, then, may indeed survive if both partners remain open to growth, adapt to life’s inevitable changes, and invest in the continuous journey of mutual understanding and care. By nurturing intimacy, preserving passion where possible, and, above all, strengthening commitment, couples can 8ind ways to keep love alive, evolving through the seasons of life together.
References
Acker, M., & Davis, M. H. (1992). Intimacy, passion, and commitment in adult romantic relationships: A test of the triangular theory of love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 9(1), 21-50.
Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (1997). Self-expansion theory: Motivation and cognitive processes in personal relationships. In R. J. Sternberg & M. L. Barnes (Eds.), The Psychology of Love (pp. 251-270). Yale University Press.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Klohnen, E. C., & Bera, S. (1998). Behavioral and interpersonal characteristics of secure base script behavior: Exploring the link between attachment and relationship satisfaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(6), 1236-1259.
Lemieux, R., & Hale, J. L. (1999). Intimacy, passion, and commitment in young romantic relationships: Successfully predicting relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16(5), 533-552.
Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Bestseller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce. Jossey-Bass.
Neff, L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2009). Stress and reactivity to daily relationship experiences: How stress hinders adaptive processes in marriage. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(3), 435-450.
Rusbult, C. E. (1980). Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations: A test of the investment model. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 16(2), 172-186.
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119-135.
Author
Bici, E. (2024). Can love survive? How?
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